This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
