how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Randomize
