nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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