Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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