I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
