Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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