if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
