I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
