best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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