No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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