We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
