Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
