I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
