I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
