NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
