She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
