I am puke
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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