I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Your penis caused this!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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