went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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