I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
