i think my tv is drunk
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
