omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you never un-have a 4some
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
