I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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