Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
