i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
