god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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