Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
