I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
