Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
