we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
