What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
