Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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