guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
