i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
