No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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