So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
