life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
