Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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