I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
