loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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