I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize