The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
