You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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