why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
