Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
