Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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