i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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