Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
