My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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