And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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