he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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