i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
