what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize