Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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