2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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