And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
