How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
