There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize