His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
