i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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