Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
