Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
