I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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