dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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