Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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