u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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