I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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