Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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