He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
