I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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