I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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