I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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