i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
