We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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