Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize