Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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