I want to walk on stilts...naked
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize