So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
