Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
