My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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