omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
