I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
