After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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