Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
