bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
