just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize