One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Less talking, more tequila
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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