doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
A bitchslap is in order.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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