This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
