Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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