I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
vagina is talking i cant
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
