And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
