I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
