dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I had to cum in my sink.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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