Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize