Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
