Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
