But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
