I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
